Olivia
by MistressMacha
Summary: A figure from Olivia's childhood catches up with her 24 years later, and forces her to examine both her history and her relationship with Elliot.   Some E/O later but it's not the focus of the story - it's more about Olivia herself.
1. Chapter 1

**June 2011**

'Long fucking day, huh Liv,' Elliot said with a smile, slowing the car as he took a left onto Isham Street.

'Yeah,' she said, rolling her eyes. 'Why do we always end up on the opposite side of town from the precinct?'

'Sod's Law. And Washington Heights is full of cranks with nothing better to do than prank us with false info.'

'Ha. Yeah, you got that right.' She pulled her bag up from the footwell and started searching through it for her compact. 'Got any plans tonight?'

'I wish. Microwave dinner in front of the TV.' He caught the sideways glance and raised eyebrow. 'Kathy's taken the kids on vacation for the weekend,' he explained quickly. 'Just to Long Island. ' He glanced over at her, waiting for a response. The silence got awkward. He caved. ' What about you?'

'Going out with some of my friends at college. '

'Oh. Well, that sounds fun.' Elliot hated small talk.

'Yeah. I baked some cookies for it.'

That got his attention. 'What, you BAKED? You?'

Olivia looked mildly pissed off. 'Yes. Why?'

'Well, Liv, the last time I gave you a ride home, you were using your oven for storage.'

'I have a small apartment,' she said defensively. 'And just because I don't cook doesn't mean I can't! See?' She produced a sandwich bag full of oddly lumpen, vaguely beige cookies and held it out. Elliot wasn't sure he liked where this was going. 'Try one, go on! They're really good.'

He reached out and took the bag from her reluctantly. 'Are you sure? Maybe you should save them all for your party tonight.'

Olivia snorted. 'Nice try. If you think- El, look.'

He slowed the car. 'What is it?'

'Look.' She pointed ahead at a little girl wandering on the edge of the street sobbing, maybe half a block away. 'She can't be more than about eight or nine, El. I think we should check she's OK.'

'Sure, Liv.' They carried on up the street and pulled over just short of where the girl was wandering. Olivia was out of the car before he even had the chance to put the transmission into park.

'Hey honey, where's your mom?' She knelt down beside the girl and shot Elliot a look.

The child looked at her, her lower lip trembling. 'At home.'

'Well, I don't think you should be out on your own, it's getting dark. Where do you live, sweetie?'

The girl sniffed and wiped her nose with her sleeve. 'I was meant to stay with my brother.'

'And where's he at the moment?'

She pointed behind her at a huge open steel trailer gate set into the industrial buildings that lined the street. 'He said he was going in there to find some junk to sell. I didn't want to because it was dark and stinky in there, so he left me out here.' Her lip began to tremble again. 'I want my brother.'

'It's OK, honey, I'll come help you find him.' Olivia stood up and took the girl's hand. 'El?'

'Yeah, I'm coming,' he said, pausing to lock the car. As he stepped towards them the girl shrank back behind Olivia.

'My mom says not to go anywhere with any strange men,' she mumbled.

'Well, your mom is right, but it's OK, he's a police officer, he's here to help you,'

'My mom says not to go anywhere with ANY strange men,' the girl repeated, louder this time. She began to cry again. 'I'm scared...'

Olivia looked at Elliot and shrugged. 'You wait here, El, I'll be right back.'

'Liv, I don't know...'

'Come on, honey,' she told the girl, ignoring him. 'Don't think this gets you out of trying the cookies, El!'

Elliot swore to himself as he watched Olivia and the girl disappear into the building. He opened the bag and sniffed. They didn't smell that bad, so he reached into the bag and pulled out the smallest one he could find, then cautiously took a bite. He wrinkled his nose. Maybe there was a good reason why Olivia shouldn't cook. He glanced both ways to make sure she wasn't in sight, then surreptitiously dropped it on the pavement and slid it into the storm drain with the toe of his shoe.

**_A/N: Starts off pretty slow but it'll get going soon, I promise! Let me know what you think, this is the first time I've written any multi-chapter stories so I'm still learning..._**


	2. Chapter 2

**September 1982**

Olivia lay on her side, curled up under her duvet with the bear her best friend's mother had given her. She wanted to sleep, but her mother had a 'friend' over again, and she didn't trust him. Maybe trust was the wrong word. If you know from bitter experience what someone can, and has done, then the whole idea of trust doesn't even begin to cover it.

She froze as she heard footsteps outside and the creak of her door opening. Olivia pretended to be asleep as the sliver of light from the hallway fell across her face. She held her breath as the footsteps crossed her room and she felt his weight as he sat down on her bed.

'Your slut mother's passed out again,' he told her matter-of-factly. She felt him put his hand on her leg and slide it upwards, and involuntarily tensed. There was a dry chuckle. 'I knew you were awake, Princess,' he said. 'Always playing hard to get...' She ignored him and pretended to sleep, but suddenly he was on her and pinning her wrists to the mattress. He leaned in and she shrank away as he breathed into her ear. 'You're a lovely girl, Princess... even sweeter than your mother.' He leaned over her face, and she could smell the vodka on his breath. 'Bite me, bitch, and I'll kill you.'

He kissed her hard on the mouth, forcing his tongue through her teeth. Olivia clenched her fists and tried not to retch, pretending she was somewhere else until it was over.

**_A__/N:__ Just a short one today but I'll update again tomorrow with Chapter 3!_**


	3. Chapter 3

**June 2011**

'Are you sure your brother said he'd be in here, sweetie?' asked Olivia, looking around her. What were clearly once garages of some kind had been half-converted into what looked like a printers', with rusting equipment and presses dotted around along with the piles of other assorted detritus that build up in all empty buildings over time.

'Yuh huh,' replied the girl. She dropped Olivia's hand suddenly and ran away into the maze of rusting machinery.

'No, honey, come back-' Olivia cursed to herself, looked back at the open gate to the street, then back ahead. Elliot would be pissed. She took another look back at the gate, and started after the little girl.

'Honey, where are you? Come back, it's not safe for you to run off on your own like that.' Olivia looked around, but there was no sign of the girl. 'Honey?' She heard movement ahead of her. 'Honey?'

A hand whipped out of nowhere and grabbed Olivia's hair, yanked on it so hard her head slammed against the wall. She cried out and nearly fell down, but a man had her wrists pinned to the wall and his face so close she could feel his breath. 'Hey there, Princess,' he hissed, grinning widely.

Olivia froze. She didn't know his voice but she recognised the words. It couldn't be the same guy, this man was much too young, even younger than she was in fact, but...

'Where's the girl?' she snapped, pushing back the panic.

'Who? Oh, don't worry about her, it's amazing what you can get little kids to do if you tell them you'll hurt their mommy.' He smiled and ran a finger down the side of her face. 'My, you're just as pretty as he said... I like it.' Suddenly he punched her in the stomach, hard, and as she bent over and gagged, threw her down onto the stained concrete. She tried to sit up, to turn on her side, but in a flash he was on top of her, tearing at her clothing.

'No, get off me, ELLIOT! ELLIOT HELP ME! HELP-'

He slapped her hard across the face. She could taste blood in her mouth.

'Shut up, bitch, he told me all about you, don't you think it's fair that I get to see for myself just how sweet you are?' The man tore the front of her shirt open. 'Little whore.'

Olivia took a deep breath and kneed him in the stomach. The grip of the hand that pinned her arms to the floor weakened as he gasped in pain, and in that second she was on her stomach, wriggling away from him as he swore. Then he was on her again, wrenching her over onto her back, punching her in the face.

'You little bitch, I'll fucking kill you!'

'ELLIOT!'

'SHUT UP!' He slapped her again, harder, then pulled a knife and held it to her throat. 'Hold the fuck still, you little whore, or I'll cut your slut neck right here.'

_All around her she could see the others laughing and mocking and jeering and getting off on this what he was doing_

Olivia swallowed hard and tried not to cry.

_**A/N Another short one, I'm sorry, I have 101 other things going on right now! Let me know what you think and whether it's worth it too keep on going. (in the next few chapters there will be a lot more Elliot, if that helps =))**_


	4. Chapter 4

Elliot waited outside the garages, getting more and more concerned as time went on. He glanced at his watch, then up and down the street, and his stomach turned over.

The girl she had gone in to help was running away from him in the distance. She was alone.

Elliot dropped the bag and ran for the door, pulling his radio from his belt as he ran.

Inside the building there was no sign of her among the piles of junk and chaos.

'Olivia? It's me, Elliot, where are you?'

There was silence. Then he heard something from the other side of the building. He ran towards it and as he passed the broken-down printing press, he saw her. A man had her pinned to the floor, choking her. Her shirt was ripped open and he saw a knife glinting in the man's hand. She was completely still.

'OLIVIA!' Elliot ran towards them, grabbed him and threw him off her almost before the guy realised he was there. He tried to sit up and go for the knife where it had fallen, but Elliot was on him, pinning him to the floor the way he had seen him pin Olivia, raining punches on him with both fists.

'You son of a bitch I swear to God I will make you sorry you ever touched her!' he screamed, hitting him again and again, feeling ribs crack and the bastard's jaw break, as he felt the rage at what this man had done, or tried to do. He kept beating him long after the man was unconscious, only stopping when he had to catch his breath, feeling the rage subsiding.

Suddenly he heard a muffled sob from behind him, jumped up and ran to her. Tears streamed down her face as she stared blankly up at the ceiling, her makeup smudged and lip bloodied. 'Liv?' Elliot put a hand on her shoulder.

_It's alright girlie I'll be nice to you_

'NO!' she screamed. 'Get away from me!' She struck out with both fists.

'Olivia, it's me, it's Elliot!' He grabbed her wrists to restrain her.

_Stay still you little bitch or I'll hold you down by your throat_

She snatched her hands back and held her arms up protectively. 'No, no, no, no, no...'

'Hey, Liv, Liv it's OK, it's me, I promise I won't hurt you.'

Olivia curled up on the floor in a ball and sobbed.

'Sssh Liv I've got you, it's OK, it's OK.' He knelt beside her, then helped her sit up and wrapped his arms around her.

_mmmmm little girl you're even sexier than your slut mother_

'No I won't let you do it!' she screamed, beating at his face with her fists.

'LIVVY, it's me, El!' he cried, holding her face still with one hand, forcing her to look straight at him. 'You know me, remember? I'm not going to hurt you.'

_fight me bitch and I'll kill you_

Olivia looked at him, tears streaming down her face. A small smile broke out. 'I know you,' she said calmly. 'I know you.'

'Yes,' said Elliot, relieved. 'You-'

_don't make me tell your mommy how bad you've been_

Olivia grabbed his face and kissed him full-on, clawing at the back of his neck with her hands. He broke away and held her back, shocked. 'Liv, what are you doing?'

She looked at him and stopped struggling, then dissolved into wracking sobs.

'Liv, it's OK, I'm here,' he soothed her, pulling her into his lap and cradling her. 'It's OK now, I promise.'

'I'm good El, I tried to be good, I swear, I swear, I'm sorry, I tried...'

Elliot's stomach turned over and a cold feeling ran down his spine to settle in his gut. The vague suspicions he'd had consolidated into one heavy, nauseating lump. He looked down at his inconsolable partner, pulled her closer to him, kissed her on the forehead and held her tightly until their backup arrived.

The medics ran in, went to check the man who now lay sprawled against the far wall. Olivia refused to let go of Elliot, and as he carried her out of the building, he heard a medic behind him say 'Jeez, this guy get hit by a truck or something?'

Elliot smiled, feeling a vague sense of satisfaction.

**_A/N: It got a little heavy there, but a lot of it is written from personal experience so I know how these issues affect the people experiencing them. Anyway, as ever, let me know what you think, because without your reviews and feedback I don't know if I'm getting it right or not!_**


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N: Following the response I got from some of you after posting the last chapter I have posted a link in my profile to my blog discussing issues of real-life abuse__. If you have any information__, links or stories you feel you want to share, want to discuss anything, or just want to follow what I and others have to say, everyone's welcome!_**

_'Hello? Hello?' Elliot felt confused. He was back in the vast, empty garages, shadows and stained concrete stretching far ahead into the darkness. There was silence, broken only by the occasional sound of some far away water dripping. He knew he'd been here before but didn't know quite when, couldn't quite put his finger on it - then on the other side of the building a steel gate clanged shut. He remembered. He ran._

_She was there, lying in the dark corner, the reason he had been there long gone. She lay on her back, arms flung out, head slightly turned away, with the broken-off blade of a knife still visible protruding from the left side of her chest. One shoe was missing, her trousers torn but still buckled at the waist._

(She always said she'd die before she let that happen to her again)

_He found his voice, yelled, ran to her and grabbed her hand in his. 'Liv? Liv, it's me, Liv?' He squeezed her hand, feeling her broken fingernails snagging on his palm. 'Liv, Liv, say something, it's me!' Her eyes stared emptily through her tangled fringe. He brushed the hair out of her face, placed his hand against her cheek and tilted her face, trying to meet her eyes. A solitary drop of blood glistened below her right eye._

_There was nothing._

_He choked a little, lay down beside her and pulled her towards him, then buried her face into his chest, stroking her thick brown hair and hugging her body tightly against him. A sob escaped his throat. 'Olivia...'_

Elliot woke with a start, grabbing at the empty space in front of him in the odd, pale glow of Olivia's apartment. The black and white movie he'd fallen asleep in front of still flickered on the television screen, Humphrey Bogart fleeing deeper into the Sierra Nevada. He remembered now - he'd come home from the hospital to stay with Olivia for a while, after the shock she'd had. His stomach turned at the memory of it, and of his dream. He pressed the back of his hand against his forehead, slowly forcing himself to stop and catch his breath.

There was a sniff.

He started, looked up and saw her in the doorway, tears running down her face and arms clamped firmly in front of her, wrinkling the loose fabric of her nightshirt against her stomach. She opened her mouth, closed it again, swallowed awkwardly. 'El?' Suddenly her face crumpled and she dissolved into thick, heavy sobs, her arms still crossed awkwardly in front of her.

'Hey, it's OK, Livvy, I'm here,' he said, trying to sound reassuring as he sat up. 'Do you want to come sit with me for a while?'

She swallowed again, nodded, then silently crossed the room and sat beside him on the sofa, quickly wiping the back of her hand across her eyes. Elliot put his arm around her hunched shoulders, and they sat in silence for several minutes.

Olivia cleared her throat. 'What are you watching?'

'High Sierra,' replied Elliot. 'It's a classic.'

She snorted. 'That sucks.' She elbowed him in the ribs and curled up on her side on the sofa, watching Bogart as Mad Dog Earle in action on the screen. Elliot hesitated, then lay down behind her and held her tightly, stroking her hair and pretending not to notice that she was crying.

Time passed, and she had quietened down. The movie had finished, replaced by a late night Teleshopping show. Elliot waited awhile, watching the hostess burble on about the benefits of the All-New-Magic-Mopper-Tool, then smoothed her hair back, tucking it behind her ear. 'Do you feel any better, Liv?'

Olivia sniffed, cleared her throat and nodded, burrowing further back against him. Elliot wrapped both arms around her and they lay together on the sofa in silence, listening to the traffic passing outside. He absentmindedly fingered the sleeve of her nightshirt. 'Hey, Liv, is this MY shirt?'

'Shut, up, El.'

**_A/N: Thanks for reading guys, and as ever, r+r!_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: as ever the link to the blog/online community for survivors of sexual abuse etc is available on my profile.**_

_**Please drop me a review or two because hardly anyone is and I don't know if I'm getting it right or not!**_

**April 2006**

Olivia sat alone in her apartment. She was absolutely livid. The cut on her neck still itched where it was healing, and she scratched it absently whilst she contemplated all the things she hated about her partner Elliot. He was an ass. An arrogant, selfish ass. She cursed him again under her breath, and headed to the refrigerator to refill her glass. Screw it, she'd just take the bottle.

She had just sat down again when there was a knock at the door. She swore again and got up, stomping to the door. 'Yes, I'm sorry Mr Lazetti, I'll try to keep it down-' She yanked the door open.

Elliot was standing there. 'Hi, Liv.'

She gaped. 'Uh, my neighbour, ever since I had these hardwood floors put in-'

'Liv, can I come in?' He looked tired.

Olivia hesitated, suddenly conscious of both the half-empty bottle of wine in her hand and the fact that she was wearing an ancient nightdress with Snoopy on it. 'Uh, sure.' She stepped back and held the door open. 'Have a seat.' She glanced around quickly and dropped the bottle behind a decorative fern. 'I'm, uh, doing laundry right now, so-'

'Olivia... I'm sorry. What I said today wasn't meant to upset you.'

Olivia gritted her teeth. 'Well, good on you El, because you managed it anyway.'

He looked as though he couldn't decide whether to be apologetic or exasperated with her. 'Liv, it's not about you. Actually, no, it is. Today at the bus station was the worst day of my life. I chose you over the boy, and I shouldn't have.'

'Well, gee, Elliot,' replied Olivia sarcastically, 'thanks for clearing that one up for me. I feel so much better now.'

'For God's sake, Liv, can you not be such a bitch about this?' Elliot looked like he wanted to break something, but settled for pacing back and forth glaring at the floor.

'Me?' Olivia clenched her fists and tried her best not to strangle him. 'I'm being the bitch? I'm not the one who said we couldn't be partners any more!'

'Because I care too much about you to do my job right! I should have saved that boy today, and I didn't because I was too busy worrying about you!'

'And that's my fault, is it, Elliot?' Olivia marched over to the door and held it open. 'Get out.'

'No, Liv, that's not what I meant.' He walked over and tried to close the door. Olivia held on. 'Come on, Liv, let's just talk about this like adults, OK?'

'Fuck you, Elliot,' spat Olivia.

'Liv, how is my caring about you this much a bad thing?' Elliot tried to take her hand.

'Because you think that it's my fault that you couldn't do your damn job!' shouted Olivia, shaking him off.

'For GOD'S SAKE-' Elliot wrenched the door away from her and slammed it. The large mirror above the counter fell to the floor with a crash. There was an uncomfortable silence.

'You're paying for that, you son of a bitch,' said Olivia.

'God, that's all I need,' said Elliot, laughing awkwardly. 'Child support for four kids, paying Kathy money every month... wow.' He trailed off for a minute and sat back down on the sofa. 'Olivia... you're the only thing I have left worth a shit in my life. I couldn't... if anything happened to you... Liv, I'm sorry.'

Olivia felt herself weakening. 'How could you ask me to do that today, El?' She sat down beside him and rested her head in her hands. 'I couldn't, you know I couldn't.' She looked up at him. 'Would you?'

'Would I what?'

'Would you have taken the shot? If it was me?'

Elliot opened his mouth to answer, then stopped and thought about it. 'No, Liv, I don't think I could.'

'Then how could you ask me to?' Olivia swore to herself as she felt tears on her cheeks. That asshole. 'How, El?'

'Liv...' Elliot brushed a tear off her face. She went to swat his hand away, but stopped. They sat there for what seemed like hours, her holding his hand to her face. 'I...'

Olivia leaned in and kissed him. Elliot hesitated a second, then kissed her back, holding the sides of her face in his hands. She wrapped her arms around his back and pulled him close to her, sliding her hands up under the back of his shirt. 'El, this is such a bad idea...'

Elliot slid the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders. 'I know...' He started kissing her neck as she pulled him down on top of her and wrapped her legs around his back, burying her face in his neck as he kissed her neck and shoulders.


	7. Chapter 7

**June 2011**

Elliot awoke to find her already up, fully dressed and clipping her shield to her belt.

'Olivia, don't you think you should maybe take a day?' he suggested, already knowing what she would say.

She shook her head. 'No,' she said flatly. 'No, I'm close, El, I know I am.'

'In what way are we close, Liv?' he asked, exasperated with her. 'We still don't know anything about this East Side creep-'

'Not to him.'

'Then-'

'He was one of my mother's boyfriends from when I was 11 to when I was 16. He never raped me, El, but he might as well have done. He wasn't the only one of my mother's friends to try it, but he was the worst.'

'Jesus, Liv, did you-'

'I didn't tell anyone. I never did. But I ran into him years later, after some local girls' parents complained. He kept on doing it, El, for years-' Her breath caught in her throat, and he stepped toward her. She waved him back, swallowed hard, and continued. 'I should have told, but I didn't, El, I couldn't. But I did do everything I could to pin all the years of abuse these other girls and God knows how many others on him, and got him sent down for 15 years.' She looked up at him and met his eyes. 'He's out, El, I know he is.'

'Liv, you can't know that-'

'I do,' she interrupted. 'And he knows I do.' She didn't tell him that he had called her early that morning, suggesting they meet for 'a nice catch-up.' Olivia couldn't wait. She was prepared this time. 'The man yesterday knew him. He planned the whole thing, Elliot.'

Elliot looked at her, resigned. 'You're going to do this whatever, aren't you?'

'You don't need to take care of me every damn minute, El.'

He sighed. 'Liv... I want to. Just promise you won't run off and do anything without me. Please.'

'I won't, El.' Olivia tried to ignore the guilt. She hated having to lie to him, but she couldn't bear the thought of what Miller might say to him or tell him. _No one will ever want you when they know what you've done_. She could almost see the look of disgust and feel his disappointment in her, listening to Miller brag about everything he'd done and everything she'd let him do, and her stomach clenched at the thought. 'I promise.'

Olivia slipped out of her apartment and almost ran down the stairs. She felt terrible for waiting until he had left to change in the bathroom, chatting amiably, deliberately skirting around the subject of what had happened on this sofa 5 years before, while the whole time she was intending to sneak out the minute she had the chance. Reaching the ground floor, she left the stairwell and headed out the doors into the street.

Upstairs, Elliot was awkwardly trying to change in Olivia's tiny, cramped bathroom. Clearly the architect had 5ft tall pygmies in mind when he designed this place. Either that, or the guy was some kind of weird sadist. It was cramped enough trying to sleep last night on that tiny sofa... although he did have fond memories of that sofa. But then she wasn't at work, and they'd never spoken about it since. It was probably for the best, especially since he was back with Kathy now.

The bathroom, however, did not have the benefit of any such memories. It was just cramped and irritating. Then again, it would be easier if there wasn't so much... stuff... in here. Although he had experience sharing a house and one bathroom with his teenage daughters, it still amazed him how much women seemed to have in there. There were shelves wedged between the sink and the wall in such a way that prevented the bathroom door from opening fully, piled high with towels and boxes of brightly coloured bottles of God knows what. The sink itself had tiny pots of various creams and powders crammed onto every available flat surface. Elliot rolled his eyes. From his experience, the tinier the bottle, the more expensive its mysterious contents were.

He paused, not sure if he had just heard the front door close. 'Liv?' He quickly pulled on his undershirt, only to realise he had it on backwards. He swore, decided he didn't care and left the bathroom. 'Liv?' There was no reply, and as he entered the living area, it was empty. 'Olivia?' Glancing around, he saw the torn scrap of paper on the table, weighted down by one of the many hideous fridge magnets she used to attach take-out menus to the refrigerator.

'I'm sorry, El. x'

Elliot swore again, grabbed his shirt and jacket and ran out of the apartment.

**_A/N: Do you guys think it's worth carrying on with this or should I give up and start something else? I can never tell how well stories are going when I'm the one writing them..._**


	8. Chapter 8

**July 1987**

Olivia was rigid as a board as she lay in her bed, listening for him. She knew he would come, it was just a question of when her mother finally passed out for the night.

'Hello, Princess.' His hand appeared on her leg again. 'It's been too long since we've been together... my God, you get even sexier every time I see you...'

Olivia sat up. Enough was enough. 'Leave me alone, you bastard, or I'll break your fucking neck.' She'd rehearsed that line over and over again but it had sounded a lot better in front of the mirror. Actually hearing herself say it to him was different; the words didn't sound like her.

Mr Miller laughed and smiled patiently at her. 'Well, Princess, you've grown into a feisty one.' He laughed, then suddenly slapped her hard across the face. 'Don't you dare talk to me like that, bitch.'

Olivia wanted to run but refused to back down now. 'I'll talk to you however I damn well like,' she said, wishing that her voice didn't sound quite so high and awkward. 'I'm not a little girl any more. I'm engaged. I'm not yours. Get out.'

He smiled at her and she shivered. 'You're mine, and you always will be mine. Anyone else can borrow you for a while, but remember that I can always come and take you back again.' He reached up and stroked the side of her face. 'Besides, no one else will ever want you when they know what you've done.' He leaned in to kiss her.

Olivia kneed him in the groin.

He swore and rolled off her onto the floor, and she was out of bed and across the room before he had a chance to catch his breath. She thrust her hand down the back of her dresser and pulled out the little .22 she had taken from her friend's parents' wardrobe. He finally staggered to his feet to see her pointing it straight at him. 'I told you. Get out. Never come back.'

'Now Princess, we both know you don't have it in you.' He began to walk towards her. 'Hand it to me and we can pretend this never happened.' He held out his hand.

'Get. Out,' she repeated. Now that it came down to it she wasn't sure if she actually could do it.

He stopped. 'Now Princess, that's not very nice-'

Olivia swallowed hard and shot him in the foot. He swore, ran towards her yelling. 'You little BITCH, I will fucking KILL YOU-'

She raised the gun, pointed it at the centre of his forehead. 'Get out and never come back.'

He looked at her and licked his lips. 'Whatever you say, Princess.' He blew her a kiss and left the room. She heard the front door slam, sat down on the floor and cried.


	9. Chapter 9

**_A/N: Another short one I'm afraid. I'm not sure I like where it's going but hey, let's find out! I'll update it tomorrow at the same time as I do 'Aftermath' - promise!_**

**June 2011**

Olivia unlocked the door and stepped into the apartment she had once shared with her mother. It had been empty for some time, and it smelled stale. She knew that she really ought to sell it or rent it out, but so far had been unable to bring herself to commit to it. The building itself was almost empty now too; more tenants were leaving every week. _Rats from a sinking ship_, she thought, eyeing the mould on the ceiling. She took several steps inside, stopped as she heard the floor creak and felt someone behind her.

'Hello again, Miss Benson, do you remember me?' She froze as she heard the familiar voice and felt his breath on her ear. Forcing herself to shake it off, Olivia went for her gun but that pause was enough for him to grab her by the neck and pull her sharply backwards. She dropped her gun and he kicked it away . Suddenly she felt a blade against her throat. 'I remember you, bitch. I remember everything. Do you know what it's like, 15 years inside for something like that? I lost everyone. My family stopped visiting, then when I get out I find they've left the state. I've had a long time to think about it, you know, about you, and believe me, it's all I've thought about, all those years alone, surrounded by other men and those damn dyke COs...'

Miller trailed off, and she heard a small snicker. 'You know... you're far more beautiful than even I remembered... I'm glad I decided to give myself a chance to have some fun with you first.' Olivia cringed as he planted a sloppy wet kiss on the nape of her neck. 'I'm so glad you wore white for me... it seems so... appropriate.' He tightened his grip on her. 'Does that sound like fun, bitch?'

'Fuck you,' spat Olivia.

'Ah now, that's not nice,' he chided, and suddenly her head was yanked back and the knife replaced with his arm, holding her in a chokehold. She shivered as he began to softly trail the knife over her, breathing heavily in her ear. 'Just because that idiot the other day couldn't keep it in his pants... I think we'll leave the door open for now, shall we? I'm sure Mr Stabler would like to watch.' Her breath caught as he made the first long, shallow cut across her collarbone. 'Mmmm, now that was good, wasn't it?' He leaned in and sucked on her earlobe, and she inwardly retched. 'Has that got you all warmed up? It has me. My God, you have no idea how long I've thought about this, about YOU-' he dug the point of the knife into her shoulder, making her cry out '-so you can be damn sure I'll make sure to enjoy it before I'm done with you.'

Olivia swallowed a whimper.

At the far end of the hallway, Elliot heard her and started to run.


	10. Chapter 10

**_A/N: I'm sorry, it all seems to be going a little wrong, but hopefully you guys like it well enough! Thanks for all your nice comments, they keep me going!_**

Miller looked up as he heard the approaching footsteps. 'Oh good, here he comes now. You know,' he whispered, forcing her head closer, 'I've been watching you two for quite a while.' Miller looked up and waved. 'Don't worry, 'El', we're just getting started. You haven't missed anything yet.' He smiled and stuck the knife straight down into her right breast. She screamed.

'PUT THE KNIFE DOWN AND LET HER GO,' Elliot shouted. 'I will shoot you, you bastard, I swear...'

'Ah yes, but that's to forget what we have to play for,' Miller replied. 'Never show your opponent your full hand, Elliot.'

'Put it down. Now,' Elliot repeated.

Miller smiled languidly. 'Tell me, Elliot, are you a gambling man?'

'Am I - what?'

'Well, let me put it this way. Yes, you have the gun, but I-' he pulled back on Olivia's neck, making her gag '-I have Miss Benson! So how good are you, Elliot? Good enough to be sure not to hit her? Good enough to be sure not to miss completely? Because you should know, try anything and I'll kill her right here and now.' He sighed melodramatically and traced the blade across her shoulder. 'Though it does pain me to miss out on all the fun we had planned...' His head snapped up and a steely cold came into his voice. 'Put that gun away right now or I kill her.'

Olivia widened her eyes and shook her head.

'Do it. Now.' Miller placed the knife against her right side and began to cut. A small stain of dark red began to blossom across Olivia's white shirt.

Elliot met Olivia's eyes, gave her an almost imperceptible shrug, and tossed his gun down on the floor. She closed her eyes and tried even harder not to cry.

'Wonderful!' exclaimed Miller cheerfully. 'Well, now we've got all this foreplay over with, what say you we start with the REAL fun?' The knife flashed and he made a deep cut from the base of Olivia's neck to the neckline of her shirt. Despite herself she screamed, and Elliot visibly winced. Miller laughed and cut another slash across her abdomen. 'Now isn't that cute, if I cut one the other one feels pain too!'

'Run, Elliot, please,' begged Olivia.

'Now with a connection like that you must have had her a few times. Tell me Elliot, how was she? Was she good? I bet she was exquisite.' Miller smiled and buried his face in Olivia's neck, taking in a deep breath of her scent.

'Elliot, GO,' she repeated.

'What did she do? Was she shy, or was she wild like the little bitch she is?' Miller drew the tip of his knife across her chest again, leaving another long, shallow cut. 'I bet she was... hmm, you know what, I don't know. Why don't YOU tell me, Olivia my dear? Did you show Mr Elliot here the time of his life?' He wrapped her hair around his hand. 'Or were you just the dirty, lying little tease you've always been?' he spat, twisting her hair so hard great chunks came out in his hands and punctuating every word with a short, sharp stab to the abdomen. Olivia gave in and cried.

'I swear to God you let her go right now or I'll kill you,' roared Elliot.

Miller smiled at Elliot patronisingly. 'Hmmm, but you see, it was never about me,' he replied, then pulled Olivia's ear close to him and hissed 'I win, bitch.' In a split second he had dropped the knife, pulled a gun from the back of his waistband, aimed and fired.

Olivia screamed as Elliot's eyes widened in disbelief as he staggered slightly, trying to regain his balance. He looked down at the spreading red mess on his shirt. 'Elliot, no, no, Elliot!'

He looked up at her. His eyes were open but full of fear and creeping realisation, and... regret? She stood frozen to the spot, watching him sink to his knees and then collapse backwards onto the floor.

'ELLIOT!' In a flash she grabbed Miller' gun arm, twisted it, disarmed him and pushed him back against the wall. He smiled at her.

'You're still all mine, Princess.'

Olivia shot him without even blinking.


	11. Chapter 11

**_A/N: I'm so sorry guys, please don't kill me... I'd put in a warning but I think we all know what's coming._**

'Elliot? ELLIOT! El!'

Olivia was on her knees, her radio beside her, holding his hands in hers and trying to force him to open his eyes and look at her. He was still breathing, but each breath was steadily more laboured than the last.

'Elliot, come on you bastard, I will not watch you die!' She reached out and shook him, once and then again, and again, becoming more and more frantic. 'ELLIOT!'

Another slow, rattling breath, trailing off into silence.

'El, it's me, Liv, El please look at me, El, I'm so sorry, please...'

Silence.

'Elliot?'

Her legs gave out and she sat down hard on the floor beside him, still clinging onto his hands. 'Elliot...' She felt faint and her head ached. Why was she here? 'El, I don't...' Her head span and she collapsed onto her back beside him, feeling her heart fluttering oddly. 'I...' Her stomach ached and her shirt felt soaking wet. Olivia reached out blindly for Elliot with her right hand, found his hand and clung to it. 'El...' The room faded in and out of focus and she closed her eyes, then heaved herself over onto her front and laid her head on his shoulder. 'El, I'm so glad you're here.' She reached across and wrapped her arm around him, burying her face in the fabric of his suit jacket. Olivia lay there, breathing in his comfortingly familiar smell, until the world faded out altogether.

'We have one female, late thirties, multiple knife wounds, severe hypovolaemic shock...'

Olivia felt the ground moving and opened her eyes. There were bright lights shining in her face. She flexed her hands and felt starchy fabric beneath her. 'El?'

Voices came from somewhere above her. 'Has someone called Special Victims yet?'

Another voice. 'Radioed from the scene, told them we had two of theirs on the way in. They're sending someone to meet us there.'

Olivia licked her lips. Her mouth felt dry. 'El?'

'What about the other one?'

'Doesn't look good, no pulse when we reached him. We tried, but...'

Olivia felt her stomach turn over. 'El? EL?'

A face loomed over her. 'Ma'am, can you hear me?'

She nodded weakly, closed her eyes as it made her feel faint.

'Ma'am, can you tell me your name?'

She licked her lips again. 'Olivia.'

'OK, Olivia, my name's Aiden, I'm here to help you. Can you tell me what happened?'

'He...' Olivia trailed off and closed her eyes again. She was so tired.

She heard the man who called himself Aiden's voice again. 'We need to hurry.'

'We're nearly there,' replied the second voice.

She reached out for Elliot again. The world faded out again just as it dawned on Olivia that he wasn't there beside her.

**_A/N: I know... it's sad. I've had two friends weeping so far and it was a bitch to write. There is more yet though! The tale is not yet over!__ I promise things will get better..._**


	12. Chapter 12

**March 1998**

_'Detective, this is your new partner, Detective Elliot Stabler. Elliot, this is Olivia Benson.'_

_'It's nice to meet you Elliot.' Olivia smiled and stuck her hand out to shake. Elliot looked at it for a moment, shook it, then stuffed his hand back into his suit pocket._

_Olivia noticed the other detectives in the room exchanging glances. Boy, this looked like it was going to be fun..._

Olivia sighed. She'd only just gotten transferred into the unit she was really interested in, and she'd managed to get partnered with some stubborn macho-man. At least she'd managed to get him to go sit with her in the diner over the street after work, just to try and get to know each other.

Actually, thinking about it, maybe that was even worse. So far all they had done was sit in silence, her trying to think of something, anything to say, and him picking his fingernails and grousing about the coffee.

'So, uh, Elliot,' she started awkwardly. 'How long have you lived in Manhattan?'

He looked up at her. 'I don't. I live in Queens.' Elliot took another sip of the coffee and wrinkled his nose. 'This diner is just-'

'Queens, huh? That sounds nice,' said Olivia cheerfully. 'What part of Queens?'

He stared at her again. 'Its armpit.' He went back to examining his fingernails.

'That's... interesting.' They returned to sitting in awkward silence. About five minutes passed before Olivia finally ran out of patience with him. 'Elliot, stop sulking.'

Elliot took a short break from glaring at his coffee to glare at her instead. 'I'm not.'

'Yes you are. In fact, I think you might actually be pouting.'

Elliot chose to ignore her and muttered to himself about crappy coffee, sticky tables, and something about women.

'Elliot, while spending my time sitting in a cramped diner with a man who does nothing but sulk, whine and curse under his breath is nothing if not exciting, I do have better things to do with my time.' Olivia snatched his coffee mug away and handed it to a passing server. 'Now, we don't have to be best friends, but we could at least be civil.'

He looked vaguely surprised. 'You took my coffee.'

'You said it was terrible. Oh no, I'm sorry, that it 'tasted like someone had mixed it with their dirty feet.''

Elliot opened and closed his mouth a few times, then sat back in silence and crossed his arms.

Another couple of minutes of silence followed, and Olivia had finally had enough of putting up with Elliot's crap. 'Goodbye, Elliot, I suppose I'll see you at the precinct tomorrow.' She grabbed her bag and stood up. 'It was lovely meeting you.'

'You married?'

'Excuse me?'

Elliot looked up at her and gestured at the seat she had just left. 'Are you married?'

Olivia paused, then sat down again. 'No, I'm not, I've found that it doesn't go well with the job.'

Elliot smiled wryly and nodded. 'Yeah, you got that right.'

Olivia smiled back. 'Are you?'

'Yeah, to a girl called Kathy. Well, a woman I guess. We got four kids.' He smiled his first actual genuine smile of the evening. 'Three girls and a boy.'

'Wow, three girls, that must be interesting to live with.' Olivia still hadn't forgotten the joys of sharing a tiny Manhattan one-bedroom with four other girls after college.

'Eh, it's not too bad. Main problem's getting into the bathroom on a weekday morning.' He laughed and sat forward again. 'So, how'd you get interested in working for Special Victims?' He paused and signalled to a server. 'Can we have two more coffees here please?'

Olivia smiled.

**_A/N: One more chapter to go, guys, then I'm done on this one! I hope you enjoyed it anyway, and that you like the rest of my stuff that you read! I've got two more still updating and another two currently in the works, so there is much more E/O to be had!_**


	13. Chapter 13

**EPILOGUE**

'You'll like her, she's a great person and a fantastic detective,' said Cragen, leading the way through the precinct's maze of corridors. 'You transferred in from, what was it again, Queens Homicide?'

'Narcotics,' corrected Detective Christine Keller with a smile. 'I'm really looking forward to working with Detective Benson. I've heard a lot about her.'

'Yes.' Cragen paused and lowered his voice. 'Look, you might as well know. You're her first permanently assigned partner since she came back to work three months ago. She and her old partner worked together for nearly fourteen years, and they were very close.'

'What happened? He transfer out?'

Cragen tried to think how best to put this. 'He... well, he died.' Christine's jaw dropped and Cragen nodded. 'She was there. She saw the whole thing. There's only so much that she's told us, but the EMTs found her unconscious on the floor clinging onto him. He was already dead by the time they got there, and to be honest, given the amount of blood she lost, it's a miracle that she survived.'

'That's awful.' Christine couldn't think of anything else to say. She and her first partner back when she had joined Narcotics had been quite close, and it had been hard enough for her when he was killed in a botched drugs bust after just six months on the job with him.

'I know. He was a great detective and an important part of the unit. He's left a huge gap behind.'

'Well, I'll try and make the transition as easy as possible,' Christine assured him. 'For the first few days you'll barely know I'm here.'

Cragen smiled at her. 'Your captain said you were good.' They reached the doors of the squadroom and he paused again. 'I think you and Liv will make a great team. She's incredibly gifted at working with victims.'

'I hope so,' replied Christine. 'So, what's the plan in there?'

'Well, they all know you're coming, so I'd just go in and sit down and wait for them to come to you. All of us really liked Elliot. It'll take some time to get used to somebody else sitting in his chair.'

'Elliot Stabler?' Christine knew the name but somehow hadn't connected it with Detective Benson and this particular unit.

'Yes, that's right.' Cragen was mildly impressed. This girl knew her stuff, at least, even if she had transferred in from Queens.

'Wow. He and Detective Benson must have made quite a team,' said Christine.

'They did.' Cragen opened the door for her. 'But I think you two will as well, in time. She might be a little... prickly at first, so just give her some time to get used to you. Also, don't mind Detective Munch. He's rather... unique. Unusual.'

Christine laughed. 'Like that guy who hangs out outside the courthouse shouting at that tree?'

Cragen looked straight at her. 'More so.' He gestured to Olivia and then quickly retreated to his office to wait it out. He knew enough to know that he had to let Olivia handle this in her own way. After the previous few months, he'd consider it a roaring success if it ended with anything less than a fit of hysterics.

Olivia made her way reluctantly across the room towards Christine and stuck out her hand to shake. 'Detective Olivia Benson. Nice to meet you.' She didn't exactly sound sincere.

Christine ignored it and shook her hand anyway. 'Wonderful to meet you too, I'm-'

'Cragen told me your name,' interrupted Olivia. They stood in silence for a couple of seconds. Christine glanced down awkwardly and briefly noticed the end of a jagged scar visible above the neckline of Olivia's top, before Olivia yanked it up impatiently. 'A perp cut me,' she said abruptly, crossing her arms protectively in front of her.

'I once got stabbed in the leg with a lawn ornament,' offered Christine.

The corner of Olivia's mouth twitched. 'A lawn ornament?'

'Yes, when I was a rookie. I was chasing a car thief through Queens, got him cornered in someone's back yard, and he grabbed out for anything he could use as a weapon. Turned out to be a giant smiling flower ornament sticking out of the ground.'

There was another awkward silence. Olivia cleared her throat. 'You get him?'

'Yeah. Hit him with an ornamental gnome.' Christine smiled.

Olivia hesitated, and then smiled back. 'Why'd you transfer in? Cragen said you were Narcotics. That's a bit of a change.'

'Well, I saw so many women while I was working in Narcotics who had been assaulted by the men in the drugs gangs, and I wanted to help them and women like them. Sex was being used as a weapon, and that wasn't right. It just... bothered me.' Christine shrugged. 'It seemed more important somehow. I was going to work every day and wishing I could spend more time working with those women, and eventually my captain suggested a transfer to SVU.'

'You ought to talk to Fin,' said Olivia. 'He was Narcotics. You two could trade war stories.'

'I'll do that.' Christine shifted uncomfortably on the spot, wondering how to approach this. 'Look, Captain Cragen told me, and... I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry what happened to your partner. Even though I never met him myself, I knew of Detective Stabler by reputation.'

'Elliot was a great detective.' Olivia swallowed quickly and bit her lip. 'I miss having him around to help me out.'

'I know. It must have been awful.'

Olivia nodded. 'Yes.' She took several deep breaths and wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. Shit. Crying was the one thing she'd vowed not to do today. Christine put a reassuring hand on Olivia's arm and Olivia tensed, but didn't shake her off. 'I'm glad I was there though. I owe him a lot for everything he did for me. I'm a better person for what I learned from El. He helped me a lot.' She swallowed again. 'It's only right I was there.'

Christine understood. 'I know what you mean. My first partner in Narcotics died and I never could get over that I wasn't there to help, even though I couldn't have done anything. It's tough, and it's hard to make anyone on the outside understand.' She hesitated, and then decided to just go for it. 'Look, do you want to go and get a cup of coffee, get to know each other before we start working?'

Olivia nodded again. 'Yes. Yes, that sounds good. I'd like that.'

**_A/N: That's it, guys! I hope you all enjoyed it. I've still got a few others on the go and one or two in development right now, so if you liked this, there is still hope! Thanks to all the lovely reviewers, your feedback was invaluable.  
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**_(extra Meloni Fan Bonus Points if you spotted the Oz reference.)  
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